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Black Pepper will keep flies off your kill sprinkle all over Caracas it really works!!!!

Jack and Jill's marriage hadn't been goin' well for sometime so they both decided to visit a marriage counsellor together. The counsellor asked what was their problems at which Jill started firing off complaint after complaint about Jack not doin' this and not doin' that. There was no intimacy or lovin'. The counsellor cut Jill short and asked her to stand up, which she did. The counsellor went 'round and grabbed Jill and gave her the biggest most passionate kiss she'd had in years, with the counsellor saying to Jack 'Now thats what your wife needs 3 or 4 times a week' Jack relied 'Well okay, but I can only bring her round here from Monday to Thursday 'cause I'm either fishin' or golfin' on the other three.

Two old Farmers went out bear hunting arriving at camp late the first night.When they arose the next morning it was raining cats and dogs.One farmer; not wanting any discomfort. said he was staying right in the bunk (the other ole farmer was more anxious and had been looking forward to this break from the farm for weeks and declared no matter what he was going hunting!)

Striking out not far from camp he meets Mr Bear, pulls up his gun,it jams. Instantly, the ole farmers turns on his heel and strikes off full speed for the camp, trips at the door, striking the latch,falling on his face.Mr Bear hot on his heels and in full overdrive goes over the top and into the camp. The quick thinking farmer; quickly jumps to his feet,grabs the camp door slams it shut; all the while hollaring out to the other farmer in his bunk...............

' you skin that one and I'll go get another one'

A little ole man & lady sitting on their front porch (being married 50 years).Little ole lady gets up hobbles over to the ole man takes her Cane and beats him.Hobbles back to her chair and sits down.The little ole man askes what was that for? She replys ( Thats for being a lousey lay all my life)! The little ole man thinks about it Hobbles over takes his cane and knocks her out of her chair breaks her chair hobbles back to his chair .The little ole lady asked what all that was for? he replied Thats For (KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE). was told at a golden anniversary party.

The Hunting Dog Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more frumping ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'