I love to hog hunt.  My husband and his hog hunting buddies get together when the season is open to dogs, and go on a week long excursion down the Pearl River.  I was told by my husband's burly buddies "NO WOMEN!"  "WELL FINE!", I pouted, "BE THAT WAY!"

I was told that  they probably wouldn't be able to get cell phone service way back in the woods where they were going so don't try to call.  

Well, me being...well ME, decided to try to call that night to see how things were going if I could get through.  I dialed my husband's cell number and low and behold it went through. HA!  When he answered the phone the first thing he said was "I didn't know they were going to show up!  I promise!  Don't be mad."

"What are you talking about?...."

And that was when I heard the unmistakable sound of lively FEMALE laughter in the background.  "Who in the H3LL is THAT!"

"Now honey, they just showed up! Had I known they were coming, I would have insisted they let you come too." He pleaded

Evidently, a few of the GIRLFRIENDS of the group thought it would be fun to show up in person to see how things were going.  

First, let me say I trust my husband and I was not mad that the girls showed up and.........I was not mad when nobody told them they couldn't stay because it was a "guys hunting trip".  What did ruffle my tail feathers was the following year,  when AGAIN I was told by the same group of burly men, "NOPE, NO WOMEN, THIS IS A MAN'S HOG HUNT!"

With the sweetest smile I could manage plastered on my face I said "That's OK, I understand, it's no big deal.....Y'all got everything y'all need?....UMM...You know?....I could make y'all something to eat for when you get there so y'all wouldn't be scrabblin around after dark trying to get something to eat....All you'd have to do would be to heat it up."

"Well, that'd be real nice of you."

"Well, you big'ol men can't be expected to stay up all night cookin when you got to get up and do all that manly hog hunting." I said as I batted my eyelashes and looked at them like an indulgent mother hen.

"Man Parry, your wife being real decent about this" they told my husband as he beamed with pride.

I nonchalantly walked inside and began cooking.  I had some leftover hog that had been roasted the night before for a party.  It was REALLY greasy.  I cubed it all up, carefully preserving all the fat and grease and put it all in the pot as a base for a very special pot of "manly hog hunting, no women allowed" chili.

After my base, I added my carefully selected spices along with freshly grown tomatoes, pinto beans.......and about 6 habenaro peppers diced so small they were all but recognizable. I simmered it with all the love I had in me and the outcome was a deceptively delicious pot of homemade chili.

I helped my husband gather the rest of his gear and put the chili in a rubbermaid and placed it in the boat myself. With a kiss goodbye, I waved and smiled and wished them luck as they set off.

It was about 5am when I got a phone call.  The caller id indicated that my loving husband was calling me, the same husband who did NOTHING to defend my requests to go with the guys on their hog hunt.   "HI SWEETIE! How's the manly hog hunting trip?" I sweetly asked.

"YOU B1TCH! WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT CHILI?"

"Only the best for my manly men my love....why didn't it taste ok...was it too hot?" I asked trying to maintain my composure.

"It tasted great, it was hot but chili is supposed to be hot!  That's not the problem.....it was so good that we all had 2 and 3 helpings.  The problem is that a few hours after eating it we all started running for the woods.  Nikki, damn it! We've all been $hitting our brains out all night and it BURNS so bad coming out that our a$$es are so raw that that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about having to again in around 10 minutes!" He all but whimpered. "I wouldn't be surprised if my colon exploded!" 

"ALL night? Come on...."I scoffed

"Nikki, there is so much toilet paper on the ground it looks like it snowed!"

In the background I her "IS THAT HER?! Tell her we are going to KILL her..." along with "Oh man, not again!"

At this point, I am laughing so hard that I am crying.  I manage to get out "Well, have a good time at your hog hunt!" as I hung up the phone and fell into uncontrollable laughter.

The next year, I was cordially invited to go on their annual hog hunting trip, evidently they were afraid to find out how I would get them back had they denied me again.

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